I’ve Got Your MVP Right Here!

The baseball season is heading into its final month and with it, comes every self-proclaimed baseball expert making predictions about which players had the best year and who should win the regular season MVP award. But I, however, don’t claim to be an expert. I’m a doctor. So enjoy your daily dose of diamond diatribes from Doctor Deez.

As much as you may think it’s all in the stats, being named MVP usually takes a little more than just leading the league in homers. The Blue Jay’s Jose Bautista currently has 40 HRs, seven more than second place. His home run production has only led the Jay’s to the 7th best record in the AL. The playoffs are where it’s at along with some big numbers. Since the playoffless, strike-shortened 1994 MLB season, 30 MVP awards have been given out, 24 of which have been awarded to guys who had made the playoffs.

So, will Albert Pujols be dethroned after his back-to-back NL MVP awards in ’08 and ’09 if the Cardinals cannot at least get a wild card berth? Will Joe Mauer’s good looks and high batting average be enough to hold off the pesky Chicago White Sox and sneak into the post season for a better shot at repeating as AL MVP?

Anything can happen in the final month of the season. There are young guys, veterans and even a few pitchers with a chance at winning the coveted MVP award. So let’s get right into it. Here are the big leaguers with the best shot at the AL and NL MVP.

American League

3. Robinson Cano – 2B, New York Yankees
Cano started out the season with a bang posting a .376 AVG midway through June. He hasn’t slowed down much since and his Yankees are sitting atop the AL East. Cano is on pace to put up career numbers in all major categories. He has 25 HR, 87 RBI, .322 AVG, 87 R and 64 XBH. Those are some monster number for a 2B. If the Yankees can repeat as World Series champions, Cano may have a lot of new hardware to display come next season.

2. Miguel Cabrera – 1B, Detroit Tigers
He’s young, talented and consistent. He leads the AL with 104 RBI, .641 SLG, .436 OBP and ranks second with 31 HR and .342 AVG. He has modestly flown under the radar for the past few years but has had 25+ HR, 100+ RBI and a .292+ AVG for 7 consecutive seasons. And he’s only 27. The only thing holding him back from taking MVP honors is that his Tigers are playing sub-.500 baseball and won’t be playing meaningful baseball in October.

1. Josh Hamilton – OF, Texas Rangers
This guy has all the skills necessary to be a great player on the field but he needs to make sure his head is on straight off the field after his recent bouts with drug and alcohol addiction. He showed glimmers of greatness in 2008, but he has picked up right where he left off. He’s top 5 in the AL with a .356 AVG, 171 H, 71 XBH, .634 SLG, .405 OBP, 30 HR, 92 RBI and 89 R. The clincher? His Rangers are tops in the AL West and look to be able to coast comfortably into the playoffs.

National League

3. Adam Wainwright – P, St. Louis Cardinals
Yep, you heard it here first. Adam Wainwright is the real deal and he could be the first NL pitcher to win an MVP award since ex-Cardinal great Bob Gibson did it in 1968. Wainwright has a shot at the pitching Triple Crown and the Cardinals will need every bit of his efforts to make the playoffs. He currently ranks 1st with a 2.18 ERA, T-1st with 17 W and 4th with 171 K. On top of that he has a 1.00 WHIP, 5 CG and 22 of his 27 starts were Quality Starts. He has about six starts remaining and if all goes well, he could end up with the most wins by an NL pitcher since Barry Zito had 23 in 2002.

2. Albert Pujols – 1B, St. Louis Cardinals
Yes, I know, another Cardinal. I hate the Cardinals but the proof is in the Arch. And yes the Cardinals may not even make the playoffs but there is always an exception to every rule. And often times, Pujols is that exception. The guy has been in the top 10 for MVP voting for all nine seasons he’s been in the bigs and he’s having another monster year. He has a great shot at the triple crown with 33 HR (1st in NL), 92 RBI (1st in NL) and .319 AVG (3rd in NL). He has won 3 MVPs and wants another. There’s only one guy who stands in his way.

1. Joey Votto – 1B, Cincinnati Reds
Someone give this guy a raise. Votto is the main reason that the Reds lead the NL Central by 3.5 games and hope to make the playoffs for the first time since 1995. He currently makes $525,000 for his 2010 efforts. Votto, another Triple Crown candidate, ranks in the top 2 in the NL with a .326 BA, 90 RBI, 31 HR, 90 R, .603 SLG and .423 OBP. This hoser from Toronto has fit perfectly in the middle of the Reds lineup and has improved every year since his rookie season in 2007. If Votto can keep up his clutch hitting (.376 AVG with runners on base), lead the Reds to the playoffs and bring home the (Canadian?) bacon in the World Series, the MVP is his.

Ozzie Guillen Needs to Handle His Boys

On the Southside of Chicago something has got to give. We here at The Dugout Doctors reported earlier in spring training, piggy backing off a story that Joe Cowley had wrote for the Sun-Times that tensions were high between General Manager Ken Williams and Ozzie Guillen and family. At the time Ozzie’s middle son Oney was fired/quit when White Sox brass got on him about his use of the social media account Twitter and his tweets about White Sox player personnel. Ozzie took the high road but reportedly not happy about the situation.

The tensions, as reported by several media outlets, reached a fever pitch as the Sox were in the middle of an early season tailspin but then they began to win and in all sports, winning cures all. At least until Oney made news again this week. With Oney tweeting about Ken Williams ditching his responsibilities to go see Carlos Mencia do other peoples stand up. Of course this drew the ire of Ken Williams and Ozzie is, once again, caught in the middle.

While I have called for Ken Williams to be fired in the past I have to admit that I am well on his side in this mess. And while I will campaign for Ozzie to keep his job to anyone who will listen, I must admit this is his mess to clean up.

Let’s face facts: this weekend the White Sox bullpen was in disarray. They had to cover a lot of innings in a short amount of time and their two best relievers Matt Thornton and J.J Putz, were both resting in wait for a trip to the DL. Olney made the bold statement that Williams should have been working on getting them a pitcher rather than at a comedy club in Schaumburg.

While having lived in Chicago and followed the team my whole life I will say that Ken Williams has particularly thin skin and the organization as a whole is rather touchy, I don’t think Williams is wrong to be bothered by such insinuations. It’s not as if there was a host of relief pitchers on the free agent market or any that had already cleared waivers just waiting to be traded. And with the problems the Sox have had with a pitcher like Scott Linebrink, there is no doubt had a minor league ready reliever been available(see Chris Sale) that he would have been brought up.

The fact is that it was Kenny’s job to make sure they were ok which both men(Ozzie Guillen and pitching coach Don Cooper) attest that he did. If the club is fine and Kenny Williams wants to take his wife or whoever else out on the town for the night, even if it is to go see a horrible comic like Carlos Mencia, then he should be able to.

This is Ozzie’s mess to clean up. Olney is a grown man of 20. That means he is a bit out of his fathers imminent control but that doesn’t mean that Dad shouldn’t have say in how he conducts himself when it comes to his job. Put yourself in Ozzie’s shoes. If you had a job that you were hoping to hang on to and your son, who is somewhat in the public eye, starts Tweeting that your boss is an idiot and doesn’t care at all about his job or the company, how would you feel?

There is a difference between tweeting about the game and making fair questions: the media and bloggers like me do it all the time and some(not me) get paid well to do it. But to call out your fathers boss is never a smart move no matter how much clout your father might have with the company.

Why Roger Clemens is A Douche Bag

We know the truth about Rocket now. It wasn’t just a great work ethic. It wasn’t just the competitive fire. It’s wasn’t just the will to not be another aging, old pitcher. Not that those things don’t matter, and not that Clemens was void of those things but it was more than that. It was much more than that. Clemens was using and Congress is intent on proving it. Clemens is a lot of things, but one thing we now know for sure is that Roger Clemens is a douche bad and steroids are only part of the equation.

1. Clemens is used – It’s the most obvious reason and it’s also at the beginning of the sad tale of a formerly great pitcher. You can deny that he used(although none of you do). He can deny that he used(although no one believes him) but Roger got better as he got older. Let’s take a look at his stats as they go from his last 3 seasons in Boston when the brass decided Roger was a bit past his prime, to the end of his career.

Wins Losses ERA

1994 BOS
9 7 2.85 24 24 3 1 0 170.2 124 62 54 15 4 71 168 .203 1.14
1995 BOS
10 5 4.18 23 23 0 0 0 140.0 141 70 65 15 14 60 132 .259 1.44
1996 BOS
10 13 3.63 34 34 6 2 0 242.2 216 106 98 19 4 106 257 .237 1.33
1997 TOR
21 7 2.05 34 34 9 3 0 264.0 204 65 60 9 12 68 292 .213 1.03
1998 TOR
20 6 2.65 33 33 5 3 0 234.2 169 78 69 11 7 88 271 .197 1.10
1999 NYY
14 10 4.60 30 30 1 1 0 0 187.2 185 101 96 20 9 90 163 .261 1.47 1.13
2000 NYY
13 8 3.70 32 32 1 0 0 0 204.1 184 96 84 26 10 84 188 .236 1.31 0.93
2001 NYY
20 3 3.51 33 33 0 0 0 0 220.1 205 94 86 19 5 72 213 .246 1.26 1.20
2002 NYY
13 6 4.35 29 29 0 0 0 0 180.0 172 94 87 18 7 63 192 .250 1.31 1.16
2003 NYY
17 9 3.91 33 33 1 1 0 0 211.2 199 99 92 24 5 58 190 .247 1.21 1.05
2004 HOU
18 4 2.98 33 33 0 0 0 0 214.1 169 76 71 15 6 79 218 .217 1.16 1.34
2005 HOU
13 8 1.87 32 32 1 0 0 0 211.1 151 51 44 11 3 62 185 .198 1.01 1.35
2006 HOU
7 6 2.30 19 19 0 0 0 0 113.1 89 34 29 7 4 29 102 .216 1.04 1.45

His win total skyrockets and his ERA gets better. He dips a little when he’s in the tough AL East but then gets impossibly good when he heads over to the Astros. There is no doubt that you get tired as you get older and yet Roger gets great thanks to his amazing work ethic? This is his problem right here:

Good Excuse #1 : He should have owned up to the steroids and said “Yes, I did it the last 2 years because I was getting old and I just wanted to play baseball for a little bit longer and still compete with these young guys. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

Is there a guy who would even dare to fault him for that? We all experience getting past our prime and not fitting in. If Roger tells us that we believe him and maybe, just maybe, we root for him. But he doesn’t.

2. Roger is Arrogant – There is arrogance and then there is Roger Clemens. Congress told him he didn’t have to have that meeting but he does it anyway. This is the problem with our dear friend Roger. He can’t possibly get out of his own way. When you are caught it is always the best practice to just admit to it.

Good Excuse #2: Admit he was talking it one time to rehab and injury. When the Mitchell Report came out this is exactly the kind of excuse everyone made. No one believed it but everyone accepted it.
But Roger has far too much pride. He believes the louder you yell your innocence the more it matters and the deeper it penetrates. But that isn’t the case. It just makes you look crazy and desperate.

3. Roger Denies in the Face of Insurmountable Evidence – He goes in front of Congress with the testimony of his wife, best friend, and personal trainer who all say they knew Roger was juicing because Roger admitted to them he was. And he denies it. How can a man be so ignorant and classless as to sell out his wife and his friend to save a reputation that is already to hell before he opens his mouth? It comes from a deep place of caring about only himself. But what may have been the most damning evidence of the whole trial is this nugget. Roger admits he didn’t even know what a steroid was until just a few weeks prior.

There are a lot of things you can get people to believe but that is not one of them especially when he used to pal around with roid posterboy Jose Canseco. If you’ve ever had a friend who just got a boat or discovered golf or got into wine or investing you would know that it’s impossible to have a conversation where those things don’t come up. If you pal around with Jose Canseco you sure as hell know what a steroid is.

4. Roger Thinks The American Public is Stupid – This is the best and worst part about Roger Clemens. Watch the following clip of Clemens on 60 minutes. Pay close attention to the 4:06 mark. He makes this damning statement: (watch the whole thing if you want)

The bothersome thing about that is that Roger really is trying to use that as his own logic. As if someone is sitting there saying “I know all the things they are saying about Clemens but I ain’t once seen him pull a goddamn tractor. I’m not buying it.” He says that we are stupid and because it hasn’t mutated his body he must be clean.

It takes a really arrogant person to think they can apply stupid logic to a situation and have the rest of the world believe them. But that’s Roger and now at least we know the truth.

Carp Spiderman: Amazing Catch You Have To See This

There are catches and then there are Carp Spiderman catches. Sick. Just sick. Watch and enjoy. They don’t make these catches in the States.

The Great Cubs Manager Tirade

During Sweet Lou’s Run we had some good moments but we missed the classic Lou tirades that made him famous. We hoped he’d be angry Lou but instead we got:

But that’s ok because the no matter how good Lou could have been in a Cub uniform he would have paled in comparison to the tirade of all tirades. The Lee Elia tirade. In the early 80′s the Cubs really sucked and no one showed up. And one day Lee had enough. There is no way to touch this. BE WARNED: THIS IS VERY OFFENSIVE.

Come back every Wednesday for more posts just like this one where we have some fun with baseball videos.

Lou and the 7 Possible Replacements

So Sweet Lou bids the North Side farewell and what does he have to show for it? In his four years as manager he posted 2 winning seasons. Two playoff appearances. 0 playoff wins. He was named manager of the year. He’ll be remembered for bringing hope and leaving Cubs nation hopeless. He’ll be remembered for a lot but I’ll contend that Lou shouldn’t get the blame for the failures. At least not all of them.

True it was Lou who decided to keep batting Alfonso Soriano leadoff when he clearly wasn’t built for that spot. But the sadder tragedy is the monster contract Hendry signed Soriano to that the Cubs couldn’t get out from.

It wasn’t Lou’s fault that they signed Bradley to a 3 year deal when everyone knew a 1 year deal would have been risky. And it wasn’t Lou who brought in Fukudome to a big contract and then watched him implode and prove to not be the Ichiro they were looking for. The sad fact is that it’s the Cubs management, not their manager, that keeps failing to get them to the that elusive World Series ring.

But we all watched Lou fold toward the end. He seemed lifeless the last couple years a sure sign that he got more than he bargained for at Wrigley. Day baseball only sounds nice when you are watching it from the bleachers. He’ll leave a career that is worthy of consideration for the Hall of Fame but in this editors opinion a little short of Hall Worthy.

But now that Lou’s gone it’s up to Cubs brass to get themselves a manager. They moved Mike Quade to interim manager over the more experienced Alan Trammel. This was to keep away from any confusion that Trammel could be the next Cubs skipper. It doesn’t appear he’s in the running and if he won in the last 37 games, he’d have to be considered.

The last two skippers have been flashy hires. Dusty Baker was high off his tenure in San Fran and Lou was baseball royalty rumored for the Bronx many times over but they both landed in Chicago and were both unceremoniously ushered out. Had Lou not retired he most certainly would have been given his walking papers. Wrigley needed new life and Lou was lifeless.

So maybe Cubs brass is now learning that flash doesn’t make dreams come true, good pitching does. Timely hitting. Team defense. Those things matter more than a manager. But they have to start somewhere. So here’s a look at their prospective candidates and some guys that might be dark horses.

1. Alan Trammel – He appears to be such a dark horse that if he got the job Jim Hendry would be surprised. He’s a good baseball man but his stint with the Tigers didn’t impress anyone.

2. Joe Girardi – He loves Chicago but he’d have to be stupid to take the Cubs job. This job will be there in 10 years. The Yankees job and there 3 or 4 World Series rings that he could own might not. No matter how much the Cubs pay the Yankees just makes more sense. He can do like Lou did and make Chicago the last stop on his retirement tour. New York is about going to the Hall of Fame. The Cubs is about Billy Goats and Ronnie Woo-Woo

3. Ronnie Woo-Woo – Maybe not the best candidate but you know he won’t leave to go anywhere and he can certainly stand the losing. Let’s not close the door on him.

4. Bob Brenley – He appears to want the job. Bob has a ring to back up application but if he goes they will have trouble filling his place in the booth. Who else can talk to Len about music and point out the most obvious things about baseball. “Zambrano is going to have to start getting people out if he wants to stay in that ball game.” “That 900 foot homerun was crushed!” “It’s a shame when someone gets their face blown off by a landmine in centerfield” Ok the last one was made up but you get the point. Brenley could get the nod but it’s not likely.

5. Ron Santo – Would he be any good? No. Would he need Pat Hughes there to remind him how many outs are left or who is available in the bullpen? Yes. But the Cubs keep trying to find ways to honor him so why not give him the job.

6. Jesus – Come on, he saved mankind. I’m pretty sure he can keep Aaramis Ramirez off the DL.

7. Ryne Sandberg – Bingo! We might have a winner here. They say he’s too young but the fact is that Ryno is really popular with the fans and if the new owner Tom Ricketts has taught us anything it’s that he cares about selling first and foremost and Ryne would bring a lot of excitement to the fans…until he starts speaking and then fans will have to light themselves on fire just to stay awake. But he’s exactly what a team that will be rebuilding might need is a guy who is learning on the job as well. It could be a good marriage.

Who Gives A Crap About Selig’s Statue?

The Milwaukee Brewers will be erecting a statue of MLB Commissioner and former Brewers owner, Bud Selig, outside of Miller Park on Tuesday. Leave it to Wisconsin to glorify a man who has ushered baseball through the steroid era that was the 1990s, the strike of 1994, an All-Star game that ended in a tie in 2002 and who refused to reverse a blown call by an umpire this season that cost a pitcher a perfect game.

There are people who are way more deserving of a statue. (I guess no one really NEEDS a statue of themselves, but who would say no if they were offer one?) Give me a shiny, silver Steve Sax or a glimmering, gold Gary Gaetti, because they are even way more deserving of a statue than Bud Selig is. Selig’s likeness will be displayed, seven feet tall, shimmering bronze, among statues of Brewer greats, Hank Aaron and Robin Yount, who more than earned their keep while in baseball. I would be proud to take a picture with those two, or their statues and show my friends, but a picture with Bud Selig? Who wants that?

Selig has been around the game for a long time. He served as president and owner of the Milwaukee Brewers from 1970-1992. (He was actually denied the right to purchase the White Sox in 1969 by the American League because he wanted to move them to Milwaukee.) He oversaw one World Series appearance in 1982 but the Brewers lost to the St. Louis Cardinals in seven games. He jumped ship in 1992 and took over as acting MLB Commissioner after speculation that he colluded with other owners to force the resignation of then Commissioner, Fay Vincent. He was officially “given” the position in 1998 and is currently under contract until 2012. If you think I am being too hard on the man, think again. He has plenty of greenbacks to rub on his bruised ego. He makes about $19 million per year.

The other thing that irks me about this homage is that Selig is still the active commissioner of baseball. Why did they pick now to do this? I guess this is just another way Selig wants to show people that he’s in power and can do what he wants. Hell, his last name means “fortunate” in German. I guess some people can do no wrong despite their poor judgment.

Selig has made more enemies that just me in his tenure. He attempted to contract the Montreal Expos and Minnesota Twins in 2001 but was unsuccessful. With any luck, some disgruntled Twins fan will sneak across the border and give the bronzed Bud a big push into Lake Michigan where he will reside right where he belongs, among the slimy, bottom-feeding creatures of the Midwest.

How Miracle on 34th Street Could Save Roger Clemens

How Miracle on 34th Street Can Save Roger Clemens

As many people know, Roger Clemens has been indicted on six counts of perjury regarding 15 separate statements made to Congress in 2008, denying he ever took, sold, saw or smelled performance enhancing drugs at any point during his career. And, as many people also know, the evidence against him is seemingly insurmountable. However with the right lawyers at the helm, Roger may have an out yet: The Miracle on 34th Street Defense.

A young Roger Clemens (center) embracing his legal team

Rusty Hardin, Clemens’ current lawyer challenged the media yesterday by asking, “isn’t his continued insistence at the risk of going to the penitentiary evidence that he didn’t do it?” First of all, it is important to note that Rusty Hardin looks like the British judge from So You Think You Can Dance but sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.

Rusty Hardin on “Take a Picture at the White House” Day

Secondly, no Rusty. Lying about lying is not evidence that you didn’t lie. That’s like saying murdering all of the witnesses in the murder case against you proves that you are so enthusiastic about your innocence that you must not have murdered that first guy. This defense is weak, and the fact that he is leading with it should have Clemens feeling nervous. So the question remains, “How do you get out of a perjury charge?” Enter 300 mailmen carrying hatemail.

“5,000 letters, all addressed to #$%!”

It is the task of Roger Clemens’ lawyers to PROVE that Clemens didn’t understand the questions being asked of him. After all, speaking in front of a Congressional hearing can be a high stress situation. Questions usually come fast and furiously, and can often confuse those who are testifying. However Clemens wasn’t asked questions involving interpretation of the law or the military chain of command, he was asked point blank questions such as “Did you ever take drugs?”

Roger waving to the nice men asking him questions about baseball medicine

And, much to the joy of his former-English teachers and chagrin of his legal team, Clemens answered these questions in full sentences, saying things like “I have never taken steroids or HGH” or “I swear to God, infinity million times, I never did the bad things.” Which means the only defense is clear:

Roger Clemens’ lawyers must prove that he is legally retarded.

Clemens being distracted by something shiny

This is the only logical course of action that could explain why a grown man could possibly answer such simple questions incorrectly, and although it may seem a difficult defense to prove, the city of Boston possesses 2 million potential key witnesses who will gladly testify to this fact. If Clemens’ legal team were smart, they would issue a subpoena to the entire Fenway-Kenmore neighborhood.

So how does this all tie in to Miracle on 34th Street? It’s simple. For sports fans and Clemens’ haters alike, there are only two potential outcomes:

1. Roger Clemens is convicted of perjury in a Federal court and serves up to 25 years in jail.

Or

2. Roger Clemens is proven, by the Supreme Court of the United States, the highest ruling power in the land, to be completely and utterly retarded, thereby exonerating him of the charges and allowing him to go home, with or without a legal guardian provided by the court.

If the Supreme Court rules it, then it becomes a fact. Kris Kringle was ruled Santa Clause. Roger Clemens COULD be ruled completely mentally incompetent. Which means that for all of those waiting for Clemens’ to be taken down a peg, the wait is nearly over.

Roger Clemens will either go to jail, or be proven to be the idiot we all thought he was, and I can’t wait to find out which.

August 23rd Power Rankings

We are now in the middle of August and it’s time for MLB’s weekly power rankings. Let’s see who is on top. Let’s see who should just stop playing now. As with all the weekly rankings we will be doing at the Dugout Doctors we are going to acknowledge one thing and one thing only: The first 15 teams matter so they will be ranked accordingly but the last 15 don’t matter so who gives a shit. We’ll be ranking them as arbitrarily as they should be ranked.
1. Yankees – We hate them unless you live in the Bronx or grew up in Montana. But they are good. There pitching has some questions, but with Sabathia on the bump and that lineup in tact they will be almost impossible to knock out of the post season.

2. Rays – This team could be number 1 but they lack just a little consistency at times from their offense. They have a complete and solid package so it’s no wonder they are in the playoff hunt. Expect them to be the Wild Card and give the Yankees a run for their money.

3. Rangers – They have the MVP in Josh Hamilton and the prospective Cy Young winner in Cliff Lee. How hard will they be come October?

4. Padres – Who would have thought Clayton Richards and Jon Garland would be anchors on this staff but they are pitching out of their minds. It might be lighting in a bottle but so many teams have proven over the years that that is all you need.

5. Reds – There pitching staff is so good right now that it’s hard to look past them. People thought they wouldn’t have enough left in the tank to outlast the Cards but they just might.

6. Twins – How dangerous will they be when Morneau comes back? They proved the White Sox are no real threat to them.

7. Phillies – They have Oswalt and Halliday. This 1-2 punch is going to be dangerous. Expect them to be playing in October.

8. Braves – I would have ranked them higher but I can’t trust a team who lost a hall of famer and their clubhouse leader in Chipper Jones. They may win the East but they won’t last long in October.

9. Giants – They need a bat but they don’t have one and Lincecum just doesn’t seem to have it this year and if they want play meaningful games in October they will need him to find that magic.

10. Cardinals – It’s clear they have some issues but they still have a solid staff and maybe the best 3-4 punch in a lineup in baseball. However, they need to get clicking if they want to catch the Reds.

11. White Sox – They have really fallen off. Minnesota always takes the heart out of this team and if Jenks isn’t closing well then the Sox are in real trouble.

12. Rockies – They have an offense that seems to have trouble staying in a groove but they do have the odds on Cy Young favorite in Jimenez so they can certainly play with the best of them.

13. Dodgers – It’s too bad Manny isn’t playing, they could use the help. There staff is solid but they won’t have nearly enough juice to make it to the postseason.

14. Blue Jays – How surprising that they don’t suck. It’s too bad that they play in the AL East and no one cares at all about baseball in Toronto(sorry to the 3 real baseball fans in Toronto I might offend with that comment)

15. Angels – Maybe they would have fared better had Dan Haren not sucked something awful since arriving in L.A.

And So Begins the Rankings No One Cares About

16. Red Sox – Because even though they lost everyone at least Big Pappi is still hitting the long ball and convincing people he wasn’t on the juice.

17. Marlins – Because who doesn’t like a team with Dan Uggla on it?

18. Pirates – I’m putting the Pirates here because no one ever ever ever puts the Pirates here. It’s groundbreaking.

19. Mets – I’ll put them here because nothing made me laugh more this week then finding out that full-of-himself closer Francisco Rodriguez punched his lady’s old man and has to miss the rest of the reason. Wonder if he screamed and pumped his fist after he heard the news?

20. Orioles – Because Buck Showalter is proving that with the last name Showalter, anything is possible.

21. Athletics – I’m starting to wonder if this whole Money Ball thing is ever going to pay off.

22. Tigers – Got to respect a team that has lost so many guys but still keeps on fighting.

23. Astros – This is a favor to them. They are so screwed with Carlos Lee’s contract that they needed something to cheer them up.

24. Indinans – This ranking is for So Taguchi who has caused me many times to utter(upon seeing something weirdly awesome) “That shit was So Taguchi…”

25. Cubs – Lou Piniella calling it quits kind of early isn’t he? Apparently the Cubs suck that much ass that he has to leave early.

26. Brewers – No wonder they are in the bottom 5, they are giving Bud Selig a statue. Apparently it will be blindfolded with a player behind him with a needle.

27. Nationals – Sure Bryce Harper is 3 years away from being good and Strasburg is on his way to his 2nd stint on the DL. Paging Mark Prior, paging Mark Prior….

28. Royals – They rank 28th because I forgot about them until now.

29. Mariners – We all understand now why Griffey was sleeping in the clubhouse. There was nothing to watch.

30. Diamondbacks- Quick tell me something positive about the Diamonbacks….waiting…waiting…waiting….I’ll let you think on that.

Lou Piniella To Retire Today After Game

Lou Piniella has announced he will retire from baseball after today’s game against the Atlanta Braves. He still has 38 games left in the season. He had planned to retire after the end of the season. This decision comes as a surprise to many who thought Piniella would finish out the season.

What this leaves now is 3 distinct possibilities:

1. Alan Trammel steps in as the interim manager. This is the most likely possibility.

2. They promote Sandberg and give him the managerial job now so he can get going for next season. This is a good bet and would explain why Lou is stepping down early.

3. They bring in Bob Brenley early. This is highly unlikely because it would be a difficult transition to do in the television booth. Not to mention the fact that he has experience so wouldn’t benefit much from coming in early the way Sandberg would.

Lou Piniella meanwhile leaves a resume that will get him serious contention for Cooperstown. He does have a World Series Ring but he also a lot of playoff losses. In his 2 playoff appearances with the Cubs he was unable to win a single game but he did get them the first back to back playoff appearances in decades.

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